The heartbreak of watching your parents get old...

You've reached your thirties, life is good. You got married, have a kid, own properties, have a stable job, hobbies and life is enjoyable and well just chilled and easy.

Then BAM! You are forced to accept that your parents are getting old and sickly and realize that this may be the next load on your shoulders.

Nothing pulls the rug out from under you more than when your parents start getting old and sick.

It’s pretty certain that life is bound to go that route. When my daughter asks “Mommy am I going to die? I don’t want to die!” what should I say? I choose not to lie to her so I say “We’re all going to die….but not right now”. I know it’s a lie though. We can die anytime but I would never kill a 4 years old happy go lucky spirit by being brutally honest and telling her that one day I won’t be around, her father won’t be around or worse even she won’t be around before we even kick the bucket.         

         

Just over 4 months ago I experienced death and grief very close to home. My parent’s best friends (the husband) died. My mom and dad and that couple were friends for decades. I've known them all my life. They were the guardians on my parents will, chosen to look after me when I was a child and anything happened to my parents. They are like my other parents, their kids are like my siblings. My grandparents died either when I was very young or before I was even born so I grew up having only parents and my other parents so when the parental or elder unit I've known all my life gets disrupted and one member departs forever, it leaves an emptiness and you feel the change, the difference the person made. I assume this is what it’s like losing a parent but on an even more powerful and intense level.       

      

Subsequent to the death in my parent’s circle of friends, my mother has been hospitalized on two occasions and spent some time in the Cardiac ward for matters of the heart. It’s not time for denial; it’s time for accepting and realizing that my future, my life and my cozy days WILL be disrupted again. I will have to deal with sick and aging parents and inevitably….DEATH. 

Just like my daughter doesn't want to die, I don’t want to not have a mommy and a daddy. Who am I going to call to run errands for me when I am at work. Where do I go to get a hot plate of home-made rice foods when I don’t feel like cooking? Who’s going to be my most trusted baby sitter? There’ll be no point to mother’s day or father’s day! Yes, it’s not a nice thing to think about and it’s more than just the imminent death or the possible lingering sickness and aging that affect me, it’s the life of the person and the memories that will get me. Those stick around forever.

If you are fortunate enough to have parents, then in your quiet time try and grasp the concept of mortality and accept that our parents are not invisible and that we have to be the strong ones but most importantly make each moment with them count. Our parents won’t be around forever, but it doesn't matter they’re here now so make the most of your time with them.

Love your parents and treat them with love and care.
For you will only know their value when you see their empty chair.
Authour Unknown